Posted: March 4, 2024   •   Posted in: Reflections

On Mother’s Day

This year will be the first time I don’t have a mother to celebrate and this got me thinking quite a bit about the celebration and my loss.  Of course, I realise many others have this absence for different reasons – perhaps they are estranged, or they never knew their birth mother, maybe they even have two Dads.  It made me realise we perhaps need a bit of a rethink of this annual event and how we approach it.

I understand that historically Mothering Sunday was a date on which you returned to your ‘Mother Church’, i.e. the one where you were baptised. Over time it became something about our own mothers.  When I was young at church we were given a posy of flowers to give to our mothers, and my Dad encouraged us to make a card and buy a gift.  At school we talked about all that our mothers did for us.

I think my thoughts turned again to this, not least because I delivered part of the Tribute at my mother’s funeral.  This loss to me felt like a life transition, a point at which what seemed an ever-present influence in my life was now gone.  Initially, it started to feel like I had lost everything, including the value of all the memories I had but in time I realised those things were still present.  I thought about mothers in general. Whilst some may not have benefitted from good parenting, many of us have experienced how mothers are always there to advise us, how they are proud of whatever we manage to do, how they are always concerned for our wellbeing, and ready to help when needed.

But this started me thinking of mothers in different ways.  I began to wonder if we ought to spend a little more time doing the things mothers do for the people we know.  Are we prepared to listen to someone’s worries no matter how trivial? Do we have that presence for a person that lets them know they can bring all their concerns to us?  Are our lives too busy that we fail to see when someone needs a little extra help or just a small favour to assist them?  How often do we really express how proud we are of other people’s achievements? When I meet so many who struggle to hear praise, I suspect it is not often enough.  In any community we can take inspiration from how good mothers care for their children and support each other with the same passion and dedication.  If it is part of Quaker thinking to see each person as having equal value, how often do we express to them the value they have?

Mother’s Day may come and go but I do feel there is a larger message about the role of ‘mothering’ for all of us.  Finally, I shall always remember my mother telling me at the age of 46 and when going to a music festival, to remember to take a jumper in case I got cold.  Though I have never been a mother, I suspect it is something that endures – as do my many memories.

Gina (Beccles Meeting)