Posted: June 15, 2023   •   Posted in: Reflections

Quaker weddings in Beccles

Photo: Mike Goren (CC BY-SA 2.0) The Quaker marriage certificate. Each person there is a witness and signs.

‘Marriage has a special status in Quaker practice. From the very beginning – for longer even than membership – Friends have regarded marriage as a state so momentous that it requires an explicit, solemn enactment in a meeting for worship. Friends understand marriage to be equally available to same-sex and opposite-sex couples.’ (Quaker faith & practice 16.03)

In this post we first hear from Lynne who married Steve in 2022. Then follow a couple of reflections from Carrie. She and Nigel married nearly 20 years ago. Both were Quaker weddings under the care of Beccles Meeting. At a later date we hope to hear from someone who had a same-sex wedding at the meeting house.

Lynne

The first Quaker wedding I attended was my own. I had no previous experience and thus no real idea of what it would be like.

I have to say it was a wonderful occasion which far exceeded anything I had hoped for.  A Quaker wedding takes place within a Meeting for Worship and is therefore open to all who wish to be there. And so it was that at our wedding we were blessed to have family and friends from all parts of the country, and Friends from our own local meeting in attendance plus two Quaker Registering Officers from the Area Meeting.

Before we actually arrived at the day we had to contact our local Register Office to ensure our marriage complied with legal requirements. This was a relatively simple procedure and we were guided through this by our Registering Officers.

The day arrived and what a day it was.

• To be greeted at the door by a Friend who is a good friend, and then silently progress into the meeting room.
• To sit in a circle surrounded by all those we loved and cared for. To hear individuals share witness and ministry on the occasion of our marriage.
• To embrace the silence and be enveloped in the love within the room.

A moment to be cherished.

There was no set time or prompt for my partner and me to stand and make our declaration to each other. A moment arose; it was time, and we stood in unison and spoke to each other.  It was the same with the ending of the meeting. The appointed elders knew when it was time to draw to a close and it felt right.

After the meeting concluded, all guests present signed our Certificate of Marriage as all were witnesses to our declarations, with God’s help, to be loving and faithful to each other.

That certificate, now framed, has a special place in our home and serves as a permanent reminder of a wonderful day.

Now, being a Quaker event, the wedding did not end there. It was finished off perfectly with tea and exceedingly good cake and lots of conviviality. Everyone seemed happy and at ease and the conversation may have gone on far longer, but we had a wedding reception to get to.

Some of our non-Quaker guests had been uncertain of what to expect, but the feedback was so positive and beyond our expectations.

It was a wonderful day and a deeply spiritual experience which will stay with me forever.

Carrie

I would like to mention two aspects of our wedding that stand out for me, amongst others. These concern the gifts of our registering officer, and our witnesses.

Each area meeting shall appoint a suitable Friend as registering officer to ensure that any marriage held is in accordance with Quaker practice and civil procedures. (Quaker faith & practice 16.22)

We were blessed in our wise, experienced, warm and gentle Quaker Registering Officer. Christopher steered and supported us from the earliest stage of the process, and of course during the wedding itself. Some 18 years later we still receive a card from him on our wedding anniversary – a wonderful reminder of our special day.

The time around our wedding was also marked with sadness as my dearest friend Nicky had died in an accident a couple of weeks before.  Christopher supported her family and me, facilitating a non-religious and extremely meaningful funeral. My friend and her family were not Quakers, and Christopher offered his particular gifts and ministry in a way that was truly spirit-led.

We began the wedding by lighting a candle. Christopher explained to those there what had happened. He invited us to remember Nicky with love and to hold her family and all those who loved her in our thoughts and prayers – to hold them in the Light. And when a short time of stillness had passed, and when it felt right, he brought us with care into the wedding itself – a time of joy, and one that will remain with me for ever.

Directly after (the certificate) has been signed by at least two of those present as witnesses, it is to be read audibly by the registering officer or other suitable Friend. Others present at the marriage who have witnessed the declarations are encouraged to sign the certificate after the conclusion of the meeting. (Quaker faith & practice 16.57)

At the end of the meeting nearly 100 guests signed our Quaker wedding certificate. Looking at the names, we recognise most. However a Quaker wedding is a public meeting for worship, and there are people we did not know personally. What a gift though for our wedding to be witnessed by Quakers and non-Quakers, family and friends, people we knew and those we did not but who were led to be there.  Each person there was a witness, and all signed, the best they could. There are the marks of children not yet able to write, and their presence there was very special. Their witness was as powerful as any.

To find out more about Quaker weddings click here and here to understand the historical perspective.